I’ve been a very vigilant label reader over the past two and a half years, but for some reason I always skipped condiments. I figured they were high in sodium and god only knows how many preservatives, but other than preserving myself and possibly inducing cancer from too much red #40, I didn’t think I had too much to worry about.

Then, out of curiosity, I checked the label of my favorite salad dressing, Spicy Ranch. 16g of fat in just two pathetic little tablespoons. I was floored. I probably use about a tablespoon and a half worth of salad dressing, but that right there is over three quarters of my daily allotment of fat grams. Ahhh! Looks like I’m switching to fat-free ranch, and I’ll figure out how to season it to the right spiciness myself!

Yes, ostrich. My favorite beef jerky sticks contain ostrich in them. Now, make no mistake: they’re not my favorite because of taste. They’re my favorite first and foremost because they deliver 14g of protein. And secondly, the texture is smoother and softer, so I don’t have to gnaw at the sticks like you do normal jerky in order to chew it up enough for swallowing.

In the past I have ordered beef and ostrich sticks from Bariatric Eating, but I’ve also found them at GNC. They’re not cheap — roughly $17 for a pack of ten — but they’re well worth it!

Obviously if you are serious about maintaining your daily recommended protein levels (my surgeon recommends 60g-80g; or 80g-100g if I am planning on doing a lot of activities or physical exercise), then you will want to keep a ready supply of liquid protein shakes, powdered protein shakes and various protein-heavy snacks on hand. But what if you’ve run out, you’re waiting for an order to arrive, you’re not at home, or you simply don’t feel like drinking another blasted shake? Fortunately most kitchens will have at least some of the following items, all of which contain a decent amount of protein (6g – 12g) per serving:

• Cheese (look for: sharp cheddar, colby jack, mozzarella)
• Milk (1g of protein per ounce!)
• Oat bran (5g-6g per 1/4 cup uncooked; cook with milk instead of water to add additional protein
• Eggs
• Yogurt
• Egg noodles
• Peanut butter (roughly 8g of protein per tablespoon; take care, however, as a lot of peanut butters contain a lot of sugar!
• Beans (chili, kidney, red, black, etc.)
• Ham and bean soup

There are plenty of other protein-heavy foods, but off the top of my head here’s a decent list to get you started!

You know how people say, “Oh, if I eat one more bite I’ll explode/get sick/throw up?” Well for me, and presumably other gastric bypass surgery patients, it’s TRUE. There have been many times where I literally had ONE bite too many, and had to throw up. There have been many other times when I’ve thought twice about a bite of food that was on my plate, on my fork or even in my mouth, and opted for throwing it out or spitting it out, rather than swallowing it and inevitably getting sick.

Ah, the quirks and such that go along with weight loss surgery…

But you know what? They are OH SO WORTH IT! I’m down 81 lbs. and couldn’t be happier.

I can eat bread (toast, grilled cheese, the crustier parts of oven-baked rolls), and I can eat soft pretzels. But I can’t eat pretzel bread. Seriously. I’ve tried it twice now, and both times it sat in my stomach pouch like a big lump, and then the profuse salivating started, and then the harsh vomiting that took two tries to clear everything out.

Blah.

Oh well… I’m more into bread and pretzels by themselves!

To date I have thrown up…

• in my house
• in a Target parking lot
• on the side of the road
• in a McDonald’s
• in a Burger King
• in a Panera Bread

I am definitely having major issues with bloating/excess air, which causes a lot of discomfort and pressure that I can’t always tough out. It isn’t the food, as I’ve thrown up after eating all sorts of things, and I’ve been able to eat those same things just fine on other occasions. It’s the air. I have been able to tough it out before, which resulted in the food finally settling down and staying down. But when your stomach pouch muscles are contracting, your throat feels thick and you’re salivating profusely, trust me, you’ll WANT to vomit just to get rid of the unpleasantness of it all!

I can do spaghetti-style pasta (I had chicken lo mein on two different occasions).
I can do elbow macaroni, the thin macaroni used in Kraft mac & cheese (I tried three bites on Monday afternoon) and the thicker, rounded shells used in Velveeta-style macaroni and cheese.

But I cannot do ravioli. I thought I’d have one — and the ricotta cheese inside of it — for dinner. Hah! Not long after it was down I got the urge to vomit. Then, excuse the TMI, I started salivating profusely. I tried to vomit it up, but only a bit came out. The horrible gotta-puke-NOW pressure and salivating continued. Went back to the bathroom, nothing. Went back a third time, and finally forced it up and out. That ravioli was seriously STUCK! I was salivating and practically foaming from it. Ugh, it was gross. It was also scary, because for a split second I thought that it was actually stuck and I’d need to go to the hospital to have it endoscopically removed. But thank freaking god, I got it up after that.

In summary: no ravioli for Jenn, ever!

This weekend I splurged on steak, dumplings, a roast beef sandwich, chocolate and pizza.

Since I probably won’t be able to have any of the above after the lap band surgery, I’m going to get it and enjoy it* while the getting’s good!

*Within reason, of course. I won’t gorge on anything, and will do my best to enjoy the extras without going above my 1200 calorie per day limit.

Hi! It’s been a few days, but I haven’t dropped off the planet or anything so catastrophic. I have just been busy, taking care of this and that, and then preparing for Easter. Happy Easter everyone!

I’m excited now that my info session is just one week away. The night before April 1st will be here before I know it!

Yesterday, while out with my family, I made a stop at a gas station for some gas. While I was there, I made a run into the adjacent convenience store for a quick on-the-run lunch for myself and those with me. While waiting at the register, three hot dogs and a bottle of juice in hand, I glanced out the windows of the store and saw a young guy, probably around my age, looking in. His sight landed on me, and I could see the censure and ridicule in his eyes as he smirked, then nudged the two guys standing next to him. They all turned around and looked in at me, hot dogs in hand, and laughed and jostled one another. I knew what they were thinking and saying: I was buying the hot dogs for myself, I probably ate that and more in one sitting. I assumed a haughty stance and look on my eye and refused to give any attention to them.

Despite being very familiar with insults and ridicule, having dealt with it for so many years, being accustomed doesn’t take 100% of the sting out of it. I look forward to the day when I can order food at a restaurant, stand in line at a convenience store or even go grocery shopping without being subjected to the judgment, condescending attitude and ridicule of others.

For the last few weeks, my husband has been suddenly cracking fat jokes. Last week, for example, we were talking about nicknames, and one of his nicknames for me – Angel. He then made some comment about this angel (me) being too fat to fly.

Tonight I asked him about how to raise the height on his desk chair. He cracked something about it not going up with my ass in it.

I’m not hurt by these comments… yet. But will I be? Is this suppressed ew-you’re-such-a-fatass rage coming through, after being held in check after all these years? Has anyone else had a significant other or family member who kind of let go of their self-restraint once they found out that you were having weight loss surgery?