Hello there. My name is Jenn (you may know me from my personal blog, 
You should see the contents of our bathroom vanity’s cabinet: multi-vitamins, calcium supplements, iron supplements, small-dose fiber pills, and the latest addition… Milk of Magnesia. Heh. While the stuff tastes like male ejaculate, in half doses it does work well in terms of keeping things moving along. Just thought I’d throw that out there, in case anyone is struggling with chronic constipation/other bowel movement issues after gastric bypass/weight loss/gallbladder removal.
In contrast to the last time, last night was super-quick and super-easy. Go figure. But hey, I’m not going to complain or draw any attention to the fact that I didn’t have a losing uphill battle to fight last night, because in doing so I’ll probably jinx myself!
I’ve set up an account with My Fitness Pal after seeing numerous tweets about it. I want a central location to log food and weight, and this seems to be the place. I like that I can tweak the daily nutritional goals. For instance, My Fitness Pal set my daily protein goal to 47, based on my gender, height and weight. I upped that to 60, since my daily recommended minimum is 60. I also reduced the daily calorie limit from 1500 to 1200, because again, that is my daily recommendation based on my weight loss/management goals and my lifestyle (sedentary *snicker*).
I’m waiting to hear back from the owner of a gym that is just ten minutes away from where I live. And where I live, anything being less than 15-20 minutes away is a freakin’ miracle. The nearest gas station is five miles away, the nearest grocery store is six miles away, the nearest pizza joint is six miles away, and the nearest major retailer (Target) is eight… yeah, you get the idea. So even though this gym is small and doesn’t have a pool, it’s close, which is perfect for the mornings where I take my kids to school and then have two hours, tops, to get shit done in. I emailed the owner and explained my situation — gastric bypass, high protein, low calories, 25 lbs to lose, loose skin I’m hoping to tone up a bit, blah blah blah — and am currently waiting on a day/time confirmation from him. I’m eager to get started. Even if I only get to the gym twice a week for an hour or so at a time, it’s still something! More than anything I want to tone my thighs up… it’ll be nice to wear shorts and have the skin on my legs stop at the same time as I do. Heh.
One of the worst side effects of gastric bypass surgery — or any type of lifestyle change that results in major weight loss — is the hormonal fluctuations. They’ve been happening off and on since last summer, but for the past few weeks the hormonal changes — more likely than not caused by the release of hormones stored in fat cells, and probably subsequent depletion of them due to ongoing nutritional issues — have gotten bad. The issue? Having an orgasm is pretty damn difficult, if not downright impossible.
I liken the issue to having a professional electrician wiring a light switch. He knows what he’s doing, and every physical connection is correct. But when he flips the switch, nothing happens. And it doesn’t matter how many times he flips the switch. The light just won’t turn on. That’s how it is for me. It doesn’t matter what kind of stimulation, what kind of sex, when, where, how… I seriously struggle to have an orgasm. It’s an exhausting, stressful, frustrating battle of light switch flipping. So to speak.
Last night Dan (my husband) and I were having sex. And… I just wasn’t getting anywhere. This is par for the course. I reached my, “Enough is enough, this isn’t going to happen, and I’ve got a million other things I could be doing” point, and told him so. But my husband wants to please me, and wants to do whatever he can to ensure my satisfaction before having his own. And so he pushed for me to keep going, to keep trying. This is also par for the course. And I get — and appreciate — his motivation: he wants me to enjoy myself, and so he’s going to encourage me to try a little harder, in the event that I’m just begging off without really giving it my full effort. But I do. I have been. Every time.
And… nothing. I told him again… it’s just not going to happen. As I have before, I told him to continue, because why should we both be unfulfilled? I liken it to a steak or a bowl full of spaghetti. Because of my gastric bypass surgery, I can’t eat either. It’s not that I don’t want either, it’s that I can’t have them. Same thing with orgasms. I want them. Oh god, how I want them. But I have issues having them, and there are times when I just can’t. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want my husband to enjoy his steak, his spaghetti, his orgasm.
Last night was bad… my rock bottom. After the third time of me telling Dan enough was enough, I just couldn’t do it, but he should continue, he refused, and I stumbled out of bed to take a shower. I say stumbled, because at that point I was a 9 on the 1-10 scale, 1 being in the mood and 10 being oh yes I’m there!, so yes, my legs were weak and I was shaky. And I cried in the shower, out of frustration and aggravation and stress and inadequacy and I don’t even know what all.
Back into the bedroom, clean and still shaky… probably still at an 8 or 9, as Dan himself noticed when he pointed out that my “headlights” were “on”. We talked. I apologized. He apologized. I made it clear that I don’t resent him for his easy ability to have orgasms and my contrasting difficulty, I don’t resent him or feel anything negative towards him when he has an orgasm I don’t; but that he does apply unnecessary and unwanted pressure on me when he keeps on me about continuing until I have that elusive orgasm. I struggle enough on my own, and that struggle is exhausting and self-defeating. If I say I’ve had enough and can’t do it, I have. If I tell him to continue, it’s because I want him to. Sex is important in a relationship, and even if I don’t ultimately have an orgasm, I enjoy what I do get out of it, and I want him to have his enjoyment, because it’s important, and it pleases me.
I think I’m going to call my doctor and see what options are available. I’ve been trying to ride this out for months, but I’m reaching the end of my rope. The usual recommendation for this issue is low dose hormone supplementing. But before I agree to that, I want to know what the side effects are, as well as the long-term consequences. Synthetic hormones may help me in the short-term, but what might they do to me in the long-term?
Yes, ostrich. My favorite beef jerky sticks contain ostrich in them. Now, make no mistake: they’re not my favorite because of taste. They’re my favorite first and foremost because they deliver 14g of protein. And secondly, the texture is smoother and softer, so I don’t have to gnaw at the sticks like you do normal jerky in order to chew it up enough for swallowing.
In the past I have ordered beef and ostrich sticks from Bariatric Eating, but I’ve also found them at GNC. They’re not cheap — roughly $17 for a pack of ten — but they’re well worth it!
Having been through two endoscopies now, and knowing firsthand what it’s like to be apprehensive about a procedure you have never experienced before, I thought I’d share the details on what you can expect to deal with if you have an upper endoscopy scheduled. An upper endoscopy, or upper GI endoscopy, or simply “EGD”, is often ordered for post-op gastric bypass patients in the event that they’re having problems with persistent vomiting, stuck food, painful digestion, unexplained abdominal pain, bleeding, etc.
First, you will be told not to eat or drink anything for 6-8 hours before your scheduled procedure. This ensures that your stomach and digestive tract are clear, which gives the doctor a clear view of everything. Second, you will be told to bring a driver with you. This is because you will be lightly sedated or fully knocked out (in my case, it was the latter both times), and will be a bit groggy afterwards and should not be driving. And third, you will be told to take out all jewelry. This is a precaution in the event that an ulcer or other open wound or spot is discovered in your esophagus, stomach or small intestine, and is cauterized (burned closed, essentially) — the heat can be conducted to parts of your body where metal is, and that small cauterized ulcer could also cause you first or second degree burns on your ears, tongue or belly button!
When you arrive at the center where the endoscopy is taking place, you will be taken back to a room, weighed, have your blood pressure checked, and your temperature as well. You may or may not be asked to change into one of those super-fashionable hospital gowns that gape open in the back. Once all the preliminary stuff is out of the way, you’ll be given an IV, usually in your hand. Some clear fluids may be administered at this point, since it is assumed that you will be slightly dehydrated due to not drinking anything for so many hours.
Once it’s time to start the procedure, you will be asked to lie on your left side. At this time a plastic mouth guard will be guided into your mouth (or they may have you do it), and they’ll secure it with a strap around your head. A nurse may administer some type of local analgesic like Lidocaine in order to numb your veins, as many of the sedatives, including Propofol, can burn during the initial injection. If Lidocaine is used, you can expect to experience a metallic taste in your mouth and ringing in your ears. After that it’s lights out. Depending on what sedative they use and how quickly it is injected you may feel yourself slowing fading into sleep. That’s how it was for me during my first upper endoscopy. During my second, I was just gone, like how you are knocked out with general anesthesia.
And… that’s it! You’ll wake up in recovery, still on your side, with a blanket, and possibly a towel under your face to catch the drooling (classy, no?). It’s all painless, with the exception of the discomfort from the insertion of the IV. You’ll definitely feel drugged — your mind is wide awake but your body feels heavy and drowsy — but you’ll come around. The attending nurse may offer you a small drink or a snack, and then you’re handed your discharge papers and off you go!
Well, I made it through the week. It really wasn’t bad. I had a lot of protein shakes, two containers of yogurt 1, and two types of protein-packed soups: ham & cheese (made with deviled ham, low-fat Velveeta and — get this — tofu) and taco (loads of ground beef and beans).
My weight went from 187.8 to 183.5 in four days. However, I’m on my period, so I’ve gone back up to 187. Oh well. The point is that I’ve finally broken the barrier, the horrid 4+ month plateau, so I’m going to keep at it! I have a goal weight of 160 lbs, and dammit I will reach it before my 27th birthday!
- Something I am forcing myself to eat more, since it’s an easily-digested source of protein ↩
And her name is Victoria.
I’m now small enough to wear Victoria’s Secret apparel — or at least two of their hoodies (size large) and one of their bras (36DD).
I can’t tell you the dozens of times I’ve slunk into a Victoria’s Secret for perfume or lotion and felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb as the fat girl who was too damn fat to even dream of wearing anything of theirs. It feels stupidly good to wear their stuff now. 
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