The abdominal pain is back. Just five weeks shy of a year after my last abdominal surgery (bowel resection), and it returned. It was on Friday, December 21st, and I was at a smorgasboard (I know, I know – the irony of a gastric bypass person at a buffet. It doesn’t escape me, either.) with Dan (husband), Alyssa and Ryan (our children), our friend Jason, and two of his friends. I may have eaten a few bites too many, but not enough to cause me to vomit, which is what will almost always happen if I overeat. But still, it shouldn’t have caused the abdominal pain that it did.
But still, I brushed it off. It was the week before Christmas, so things were hectic, I hadn’t reached my daily protein goals for nearly a week, and hadn’t I had a couple of bites of roughage vegetables?
It’s now two weeks and a day since that night, and I hate to admit it, but I will: abdominal pain has been a near daily occurrence since the 21st. On a pain scale of 1-10 the worst was the night when it was an 8 – I had abdominal pain originating from a source near or on a shared nerve, because my back hurt, too. It took two Tylenol PMs, a swig of Nyquil, and a pain pill to finally knock me out. Every other instance has been somewhere between a 4 and a 7.
I mentioned the pain in passing to Dan, but since there’s nothing he can do, and we’ve been down this road before (resulting in two surgeries), and we’ve got other things to worry about, and HE has to deal with his share of physical pain because of his Fibromyalgia, not to mention it’ll be another couple of weeks, if not a month or so, until I have health insurance again… well, I haven’t really talked about it. Or brought attention to it. I drag myself through it, and for the most part, suffer silently.
Tonight it hit again, shortly before dinner. That was close to an hour ago, and thank god it went away, but the toll its almost daily presence is taking on me must finally be noticeable, because Dan said to me, “I’m worried. Why haven’t you told me?” And my answer, which is the truth: I don’t want to worry you.
And also: I don’t want to focus on or become preoccupied by something that I cannot currently address with anything other than hope, pain medication when it gets beyond tolerable, and sheer willpower to function despite of it.